Onward and upwards

I'm struggling to concentrate, its taken me twenty minutes to get this far!  Sometimes sitting at my desk in work staring into to space, I get distracted so easily!  My mind feels like it is racing 400 mph and I can't keep up.   So I booked myself onto a yoga course. Two months ago I would have not even bothered to give yoga a try.  Proud that I have pursued this on my own, with not one person pushing me.  I suppose it doesn't sound like a huge deal but to me its a milestone.  I'm really looking forward to it and have a sticky mat on its way.  After reading my welcome e-mail from our class tutor, I felt so much more enthused to start.  So Ashtanga Yoga here I come!

I am finally getting quality sleep. The past month, sleeping pretty much all night.  Noticing that getting up in the morning is so much easier and my husband is more relaxed.  No longer dragging me out of bed every morning making him late, leaving us arguing most days.  I know how selfish it is and sounds but I am not lying there thinking, I don't give a shit husband, I will get up when i'm good and ready!  I'm lying there because it is another night of no sleep.  I feel heavy, no energy to get up or even want to get ready for work.  Feeling groggy, hard to concentrate and of course have the shortest fuse known to man.

 At this point I was in survival mode.  Just doing what I needed to scrape by.  Not washing my hair, going to work in what ever I could put my hands on without caring how smart I looked because just getting there was a battle. Of course my short fuse was still fizzing away and to be honest I don't know how some of my colleagues put up with me for as long as they have.  The past month work is easier and more enjoyable. 

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I cannot reach it yet but its there.  In April I will have my mental health screening to see what support and therapy I need.  For me that's the half way point and will be starting to finish this crazy journey.  I might be on this road all my life but I want to be able to manage it properly once and for all if that is the case.